Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
