I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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