You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
