I wish I could punch you in the face.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
