you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I think your dad took our porno
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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