Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
