the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
