I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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