I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
