make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
