I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
