We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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