i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
We were destined to go to rehab together
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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