guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
the condom got lost in my hair
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
