normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
