i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
