I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Randomize
