one word: firstdatebathroomanal
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
