Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I supernannyed him into submission
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
