the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
