it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i just made my gag reflex go away.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
