he shaved USA in his pubs
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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