i can't believe i had my finger in that
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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