My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
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