i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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