in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize