I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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