i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
