He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Randomize
