He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
