i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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