so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
