problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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