I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Randomize
