his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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