Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
