i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
