There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
