it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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