just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
