hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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