I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
