how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize