I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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