he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
