Ambien. No doubt about it.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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