why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
