Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
