You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
