I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
