You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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