Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize