This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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