fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
