have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
