he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize