Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
