Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
