worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Did I show you my penis last night?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
