And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
