You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize