Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
