so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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