last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Randomize
