If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
