Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
