All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
