these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
