The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
