We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
