She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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