we have officially lost it.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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