a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
