I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
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