That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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