I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
