I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
you had me at cake vodka
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
