after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
