3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
