Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
