he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
