see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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