New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
