i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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