I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
