i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Randomize
