you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I am midnight drunk by noon
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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