he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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