I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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