I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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