Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
