Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
