THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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